Some of my close friends are now thinking about the M word: Marriage, or in Jack Sparrow's style, marri-age. My new colleagues, two of them are already married and one is in the process. They seem happy and content with their "significant other". I was then asked whether the thought of marriage has ever crossed my mind. Just like how I abruptly responded "no!" when asked whether I am American, the response was dismissive. Of course, there's more than what I want to say, but they are not ready for my autobiographical response.

I recall telling Ebil/Hana about who chosen "other".

You know Hana, Michael was born in 1958 and I in 1988. That makes a 30-year difference.
Mhmm...
Well, when I am 30, Michael will be 60.
Mmm...
So if I do ever get married, it will be with Michael Jackson. The 30-60 gap does not look that bad when I am 30.
Apa-apa sajalah.

Note: Ebil/Hana is not vocabulary-challenged.

It sounds weird and even a nightmare for some, but yes, that was my "significant other". Of course, Michael has passed away. so that makes my aspiration worthless now. Oh well, at least now I have an excuse when I am 60 and still single.

Ebil/Hana and I joked with one another one fine day:

Hana, you know that we are polar opposites right?
Mhmm...
They say opposites attract and marriages tend to last longer
*eyes blinking with a vacant look*
Well, let's just get married to one another! That'll be easier! Tak payah kenduri! Muahaha
Apa-apa sajalah.

Then we joked of how we would be together when we're old hags and I am trying to catch up with her with my walker and us walking slowly. Haha.. masyallah, that was a funny conversation. Imagine that happening! Even scarier, imagine Nuha trailing behind in her Pradot heels and weird outfit as she listens to trans music and moving to the beat like someone having a stroke. Actually, having said that, by that time, it will be a stroke and not her sad attempt in dancing to the music.

I love my sisters.

There is only about seven days left before Ramadan comes to a close. This blessed month comes with endless bounties from Allah. One could even say that it is during this month that your duas (supplications) will be granted by Allah. If they have not, then blame it not on Allah, but on your course of action. Allah knows best.

I've been fortunate enough to experience Ramadan year by year, and year by year I've seen the transformation of how the Muslim ummah here experience Ramadan. However, the transformation has been more towards wastefulness. Instead of fasting in Ramadan, it is now feasting in Ramadan.

An elder commented on the difference between fasting half a century ago and now. Back then, they would make do with whatever food they have and be thankful for that. Indeed, the month of Ramadan is where one learns about self-restraints that range from food to speech. In fact, "self-restraint" here refers to every action - be it covert or overt - since Islam is a way of life. It is sad to say that Ramadan nowadays has become a reason for the food industry to be filled with avarice. They take the opportunity of this blessed month by offering iftar (berbuka puasa) nights. The spread is luxurious and they will tantalize and taunt your taste buds. The price can be very affordable or it could even reach ludicrous amounts that comes in three digits.

Although they see this as an opportunity for non-Muslims to taste the traditional and international cuisines whilst respectfully waiting for the iftar to come, I find this hard to be a strong contender against the reason for Ramadan. You see the newspapers are shamelessly splashed with iftar ads that try to outdo one another. If that is not enough, there's also the mushrooming of the so-called Ramadan bazaars. They range from as little as 5 stalls up to more than 50 stalls. Here you see vendors hawking varieties of foods. You'll find that out of the 50 stalls, 5 or more of them are selling practically the same type of food. What more, the prices of these foods are not that economical. There have been complaints of food gone bad once they've reached home. Let's not even mention the conditions in which these foods have been prepared or how these stalls are left once the bazaar are closed.

I am not against people looking for extra income by offering foods for sellers. In fact, if they have the sincere intention of selling those foods solely for the sake of feeding those who fast, then I commend that. What I simply want to emphasize here is how Ramadan has been turned into a money-making month, thus making us to lose direction from achieving the beauties of Ramadan.

As aforementioned, Ramadan is where we exercise our self-restraining capabilities. I believe that the wisdom behind these self-restraints is to make us thank Allah wholeheartedly for having given us the bounties during the months before Ramadan. These self-restraints also make us aware of our brothers and sisters who are living with very little food, yet they have to go through their daily lives with full trust in Allah the Merciful. You also control your spending in this blessed month, buying only what is enough to sustain throughout the iftar until you prepare for tarawih prayers. When you control your spending, you will realize that you have managed to save a significant amount of money. This amount can either be distributed as an act of charity, which is a highly rewarding act in Ramadan, or use it for your family in the upcoming month, or as a lifesaver when you need cash in the near future. Furthermore, you'll realize that you can get through life without buying the unnecessary items.

I also believe that the wisdom behind Ramadan is that there will be less burden on the shoulders of the Muslims. How so? Now that you have to control your spending on food and other items, you will be less worried of whether or not you need to buy those items. The food sellers and cooks will also not be burdened with the task of cooking foods in exorbitant amounts that can lead to waste, which is an action that Islam or the beloved Prophet Muhammad s.a.w not fond of. The lessening of the burden does not just cover foods, but the entire lifestyle as well. We know we also have to control our tempers and not make others angry. Thus, you will be less inclined to stir disagreements or arguments for you are aware that the quality of your fast (and of others) will be diminished if tempers and malicious words start flying around. You become considerate towards others and insyallah this act of tolerance will become a part of you.

I would also like to add that the lessening of the burden is not just towards humans, but towards non-humans as well. Due to the decline in the demand for food, the animals will be less forced into mass-production. For example, the hens don't have to lay as much eggs as they need to in comparison to the other months. Less meat will be consumed, cows and cattle will be able to grow healthily. Less fertilizers will be applied to vegetables since their production is not as great compared to other months. Crops such as paddy, wheat, sugar cane, and plants such as coconuts won't be cultivated at a disgusting amount. Can you imagine that if the Muslims here were to practice Ramadan in moderation, the surplus of foods found in those hotels, restaurants, bazaars, households could feed our brothers and sisters who have very little food to eat. Subhanallah, wouldn't that be a massive charity in which all Muslims here would be a part of and reap the rewards from? Just think of it!

Ramadan is also known as the month of worship because this is when Muslims ought to be turning their attention to attaining Allah. It is in this blessed month that He forgives His servants, grants them their rewards, respond to their duas, guides His servants. One of the biggest reward that only the ummah of the beloved Prophet has been graciously bestowed with by Allah the Great, is lailatul qadar. This is the night that is filled with unspeakable beauties, rewards.... this is the night where the angels descend on Earth; this is the night that we ought to be looking for, for it comes only once a year. Those who have been fortunate enough to experience this night will see just how vast Allah's bounties can really be. This night, the servant will see and reaffirm his syahadah and commit towards being a servant whom He loves, insyallah. Blessed are those how have experienced lailatul qadar.

The wisdom behind Ramadan creates a holistic lessening of the burden. The whole Earth population is involved. This in turn contributes to less waste (gases, fumes, garbage, etc). Even the Earth gets a chance to take a break. Aren't these reasons enough for one to consider observing Ramadan in the ways it was originally intended to be observed?

A sad fact is that people here look towards Syawal instead of Ramadan. After a month of fasting, we have a day of eid; a day that was originally intended to celebrate our ability to fast (physically, spiritually, mentally) for a month and now we are hopeful that we will carry our good deeds throughout the remaining months up until the next Ramadan, which will further strengthen our deeds, insyallah. However, the culture here has morphed from a day of eid into a MONTH of eid. In fact, there are those who want to extend it further into the next month. During the times of the beloved Prophet, the passing of Ramadan would be a sombre moment because they know of the wisdom of this month. On the contrary, people here could hardly wait for Ramadan to end.

I am not implying that we should become sad Muslims and that Islam is only about sadness. Instead, what I want to convey to you is that the reason why we look forward towards Syawal and not Ramadan is simply because we have not attained the blessings of Ramadan, what more experience lailatul qadar.

Muslims here still retain the traditions of the former faith of their forefathers. Some of them are in fact practices parallel to Islam, such as the act of returning home to your parents. Family members would congregate to seek forgiveness, to mend severed family relationships or to further strengthen family ties that are already strong. They also prepare meals that are shared not just amongst themselves, but amongst their friends, neighbours, communities, and even non-Muslims. This rumah berbuka (open house) concept is something that has been a strong factor in celebrating eid in Syawal. Another tradition - although I can't quite confirm whether this was practised by the forefathers - is the giving of the duit raya (eid money) placed in green packets. Children are normally the recipients of this green packet. At times, they will have a contest to see who can collect the largest amount of duit raya. They would strategically organize their visits and they are really knowledgeable in whose house will give the most duit raya.

There are many other acts that make Syawal a joyous month. I agree with the significance of these acts, but the fact of the matter is that Ramadan is treated as nothing more than a month of fasting and heedless feasting during iftars. We cheer at the coming of Syawal and the tears of Ramadan is drowned by our cheering. Sorakan Syawal, tangisan Ramdan.

Ringan umpama kekabu

As I sit reading articles on repentance a floating kapok fiber came to my attention. Its lightweight nature allows it to be blown away by the gentle breeze. It sways to the left; then upwards before gently descending to the floor. As I marvel at this sight, I wondered whether my sins would be as light as the fiber. Will my sins be forgiven as easily as the fiber descended onto the ground? Will Allah judge me lightly as how He has made the kapok fiber float lightly and gently in mid-air?

Wallahualam.

For Allah

I want Allah to grant me His Mercy.

I want Allah to open His doors of forgiveness.

I want Allah to help me make myself a better servant of His.

I want Allah to help me instill patience within me; to treat others with kindness; to spread smile and love everywhere that I go.

But

what will I do for Allah in return for all of these?

I'd do anything for You, ya-wadud.

Anything for You.

I went to the church but I did not find God there

I went to the temple but I did not find God there

I went to the mosque, yet I did not find God there

Then I looked inside my heart, and there He was.

Jelaluddin Rumi

The heart is a precious organ to us. It is the only organic source that continues to make us alive even when we fall asleep. The rhythm sounds more like a testimony to something divine and transcendental. We are well aware of this little piece of life that resides deep within a safe and secured chamber. Yet, how many of us treat this precious gem as something more than an organ?

Jelaluddin's words resonate the yearning of a mortal in search for his Creator. He shifted from one place of worship to the next and after all that journey, he finally found God residing in his heart.

After years of being taught of the heart as nothing more than an organ that gives us the ability to life on a moment-to-moment basis, I was rather mortified to learn about it being much more than that. It sent me spiraling into madness. All these while I had thought of only the existence of the soul and the human body. Having to accept the existence of another entity that is tantamount to the soul stirred a wave of insanity within me. Frankly speaking, it nearly brought about the destruction of the self. The path of searching for God in the heart is highly surrealistic. More importantly, it is a path that is to be undertaken earnestly, seriously, and with full submission to the Al-Ahad (the One). My spiral into madness resulted from my unrelenting nature to submit. Nonetheless, alhamdulillah for God has not forsaken me. I saw Him and that made me knelt before Him. He made me weep seeing Him. He made me fear Him upon realizing Him. More importantly, He made me find my way through my qalb (heart) and now, I am I.

After going into this moment of epiphany and learning of his/her status as a mere servant of the Divine, the I reemerges into this temporal world being in constant awareness of Allah. To be constantly aware of the Omniscient, the All-Knowing, the All-Seeing, and the All-Hearing can make the world pause. It makes one see the world with all His bounties, beauties and magnificence. Simultaneously, it makes one see the world as a temporal paradise and the adage "Heaven on earth" no longer becomes validated. For now, the I yearns for nothing more than Him and Him alone. The I yearns for His Love, to see Him, to be among those whom He will reveal Himself to; to be a servant whom He loves. The I yearns the jannatul firdaus.

The I and the qalb now function in synchrony. Not a moment pass without the qalb hollering Allah in all humility. Every beat becomes its confession of Allah as the Supreme Creator, the All-Loving, the All-Knowing, the Eternal.

Assalamualaikum and praises be to Allah for another blessed day amid a moment of distraught.

There are many issues I would want to make mention of, but I will need to coincide with frugality and choose one only. Hence, I will bring forth the issue of barriers. Not just because it is an issue that I am trying to solve, but also because I need to see if there are any possible solutions to it, if any.

A barrier acts as an obstacle between one state to another. It is a prohibiter or even a reducer of something that could be so much more. In the physical context, having a barrier prohibits effective communication between two sides. Having a barrier in a workplace seems rather reasonable as it reduces your distractors from your optimal efficiency. That is after all, a creed that industries relying on human labour follows. Efficiency and optimal performance contribute to productivity. In a different context such as a personal communication, a barrier is seen more as a nuisance. Not only does it greatly reduces the connection between one communicator and the receiver, but it also prevents any intuitive, insightful judgments to be reached between them. The communicator is responsible for ensuring the message is successfully transmitted and received by the recipient. A communication failure results from miscommunication and I need not say of the examples that are readily available in the world at large. Even you can relate to a particular incidence when you misinterpreted a message or when your message was wrongly received by the listener. Hence, having a barrier only makes matters worse, to say the least.

  That being said, I bring forth the issue of erecting barriers between men and women during the Jumaat solat. This is not the moment to crucify me. You may make doa (prayer) for me, asking Allah to give me guidance. I greatly welcome that sort of remark for even I need clarification, still, and hopefully a moment of enlightment. I searched through the virtual world looking for discussion relating to this issue, and found that there are those who favour the barrier and then there are those who prefer not to have it. Unsurprisingly, the former group comprises largely males; however, I was rather surprised to learn that a particular brother actually questioned the need for the barrier.

Before we move on further, we (as in the Muslims who frequent the solat locations such as the masjids or prayer room) are aware of the variants to the types of barriers. There's the cloth type that can be either translucent, transparent, or opaque. Then there's the barrier that comes in the form of bookshelves (e.g. the ones used in Mekah to separate men & women and are filled with the Qur'an), and there are those that are way above average human height. My interest is in this last type. Visualize this in your God-given mental capacity for visualization: A 7-ft. high movable barrier is standing in between you and the khateeb (the khutba reader during the solat Jumaat). There are no holes so you can't look at the khateeb, but you can opt for bending down and looking from underneath to try spot him but all you will see is an unappealing sight of the men's backsides (and at horrifying times, their derrieres and they might even flash their undies/boxers at you). So, you resort to sitting quietly as you attempt to make up the words of today's khutba. If he has a microphone, then that is a plus factor that'll contribute to you fully understanding the khutba. If he has a loud and roaring voice like thunder, then that is also good, although it might sound more like he is vehemently mad.

Now that you know the types of barriers and the situation in relation to them, let's get to the main point. Do they serve more goodness rather than harm? Here's where I get conflicting opinions. A brother mentions that the barrier acts as an indicator of which area the women and men should be. The barrier assists the brother from being 'distracted' by the sisters and vice versa. This is the common argument for the need of a barrier and it is echoed by many others. There is another argument that says that the barrier is needed so that the khateeb will not be distracted by the women. Another argument brought forth is that women are not obligated to attend the solat Jumaat. In fact, it is recommended for them to conduct the solat at home, for that is a better option.

First off, the persons who brought the barriers into place should be commended for their effort in trying to alleviate the situation. Nonetheless, I find the arguments simply biased and tailored towards the men. BUT, that was how I initially viewed it because being biologically and mentally female, and hearing that coming from someone who is biologically and mentally male, I interpreted it within the context of our sex differences. Yes, the barriers help in 'alleviating' the possible distractors. Yes, the barriers make the brothers enter without making double take gestures when they see the distractors. Now, may I question why are the sisters labeled 'distractors'? Isn't this terminology putting the sisters to be the root of the problem? Moreover, aren't there stories telling us to lower our gaze? I emphasize on the word "us" so that it applies to both brothers and sisters. When you see someone or something that takes your desire to sudden heights, shouldn't you immediately lower your gaze and ask of Allah's forgiveness and assistance? Tracing back to the moment when you remember it is time for solat Jumaat, isn't the moment when you make that step towards the prayer room the moment where you are going for the sake of Allah? Then with each step, it is still for the same sake for you are congregating with other brothers and sisters for the same reason. Masyallah, we have a congregation of people seeking Him! Isn't that utterly beautiful?

When you enter the room, you see the sisters and logically, shouldn't you give salaam to them and quickly take your place among the male congregation? Or if you are already late and you are exasperated at yourself for being late to meet Allah, you hastily enter the room and quickly find an available spot. Hence, where is the distraction here? Where is the argument that the barrier is needed justified? If you come to the room for the sake of Allah and nothing more, then isn't that what you should do? Even if you see the sisters upon entry, shouldn't you lower your gaze? In fact, shouldn't you be thankful to see sisters and brothers coming together for a common cause (i.e. to seek Allah). Sisters, this situation applies to you as well. I make no distinction in this matter. Yet, the root of the problem that the barrier proponents seem to be insisting is that the sisters are the cause.

The argument that I propose above seems counterintuitive and even a paradox. Some of you might holler, "That's why the barriers are needed?! Why don't you understand that?!"

Yes, I agree with you on that part, but just think of the sisters' perspectives. Imagine sitting behind that tall barricade and trying hard to listen to the khateeb. Let me provide this analogy: Imagine you are in a cave with your feet and hands chained and you see the exit. You rush towards it but realize it is barred and locked. You see the key hanging on the wall and attempt to reach for it but you can't because the distance is too far away and your hands and feet are chained. You make a desperate cry for help and you see another person on the other side. He is chained too, but unlike you, he can move towards the keys and unchain himself. He leaves the key for you and after you unchain yourself, you still can't get out because of the bars.

The bottom line here is that the barriers act more as a nuisance rather than a solution. Then some of you might respond, "Then pray at home! You women are not obligated to attend the solat Jumaat!"

I agree and disagree. Haven't you heard of the bounties and rewards for those who perform solat jemaah (i.e. mass prayers)? The sisters and brothers who come to the prayer room are there because they were within the same catchment area as the prayer room. Yes, the sisters can opt for solat zuhr and then leave the place for their own businesses. Indeed, I couldn't agree more and bear in mind there are sisters who do just that for they have matters to attend to but they give priority to their solat. That being said, the others who actually remain for the khutba and the solat jumaat are there for that very reason: the khutba and the solat. To be able to engage in a moment of reminder by the khateeb who is preaching an issue related to all of us is something that will insyallah promote our better understanding of our ruh (soul) and our relationship between Allah and the world. In fact, the khutba can promote a moment of contemplation. Hence, isn't it better to have provided these illuminative moments to the sisters rather than having them praying alone? I am not saying illuminations such as those can not be reached alone. Instead, I am saying that the khateeb will have rewards from Allah for he has aided the sisters in achieving richness that is richer than the riches of the world. Isn't that a nobler cause?

Having said these, a sister pointed out to me that the barriers are an issue just because they are there. Had they not been there, then there would not have been this endless debate. Of course, there are sisters who opt for the barriers for they provide them with much needed privacy and a small space for solitude from their previous and future activities. I couldn't agree more, but that is not what I am stressing here. Here, I am stressing on the barriers during solat Jumaat. Then there are those who have this acculturated belief of a barrier to be present between men and women due to their cultural upbringing. That is why I divorce myself from any culture and follow the faith of Muhammad (s.a.w) and the prophets before him. That is a topic reserved for another day.

Of course, the sisters have no malicious intent to seduce the brothers, as far as I know. We seek the same ends as you do. We seek illumination, rewards and bounties. What of the story that the places where you have conducted your solat will be your witnesses during the Day of Judgment? Doesn't that tell you something?

There are many benefits of not having the barriers but sadly, the argument for the barriers largely revolve around the "we-can't-control-our-desires-hence-we-need-to-barricade-you-sisters" premise. It is a disheartening fact to learn that the sisters who make an effort in attending the solat jumaat is hardly commended for, whereas the brothers who are obligated to attend the solat are nowhere to be seen and yet, they are hardly paid attention to. The beauties of being together as a congregation, performing solat together, reaping the benefits from the khutba, walking towards the prayer room, reciting the ameen together, filling the prayer room with our attendance, praying in locations that will be our witnesses during the Day of Judgment, benefiting the sisters/brothers with the contents of the khutba (in the sense of the khateeb), sending news of happiness to one another or when he/she sees that the other person is going to perform solat (which, is also a recommended practice), being there for your fellow muslims; sadly, all these are greatly overshadowed by the pithy pro-barriers.

To end this, what do you have to say of the Berlin walls? Or what of the walls currently being constructed by Israel? Does it serve benefit to the persons behind that wall? Think this thoroughly. Who exactly is behind the wall? You, the constructor, or the person on the other side?

Wetbgru is a subdomain of EbilDurian. Contents are exclusively of the writer's own contemplations & on rare occasions, the Eureka moments.

Allah's bounties that make me smile and laugh:

• walking in the rain
• main buaian
• listening to the call to prayer by the muzzein
• being able to walk to the masjid/surau
• jumping into rainwater puddles
• feeling the wind brushing against my fingers
• making wavelike motions with my hand outside a moving vehicle
• to be accompanied by the stars as I walk at night
• walking on the curb of the sidewalk
• cycling down a slope
• brushing against the leaves on a tree

Archives

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8. Oct 2008 - 2009 Jan
9. 2009 - February

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Mahathir
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